Dinner at Dragon's Edge
by kingofthewilderwest
Summary: The gang is settling in at Dragon's Edge. To make sure everything operates smoothly, Hiccup suggests a chore rotation system. That means everyone has to do their fair share of the cooking... but it doesn't mean every is a fair cook. A Race to the Edge fanfiction.
1. Assigning Jobs

"Oh my gods, is this dinner or what the rats threw away?" Snotlout exclaimed, terrified at the Unidentified Eatable Object before him.

Tuffnut picked it up with one experimental hand and held it out before him at a safe distance. People would have held poisonous snakes or bloodied torture devices more cheerily. Squinting his eyes and peering carefully at the peculiar specimen pinched between his fingers, rubbing under his chin with his other, free hand, Tuffnut remarked, "Looks something like what Barf and Belch poop out after they get sick and…"

Hiccup was already gagging his way through the first bite of dinner, but as soon as Tuffnut began talking, he erupted into an enormous fit of hacking and coughing. It carried on for well over thirty seconds of erupted heaving. After retching and carefully discarding what he spit out of his mouth, Hiccup glared up at Snotlout and begged, "Please. Just stop there." Even in the dim light of fading sunset, everyone could clearly see Hiccup's watering green eyes. They were almost crying moreso than merely watering.

"Okay. I'm not eating that." Snotlout put his food aside on the log against which he was leaning.

And all at once Astrid with a scream yanked out her battleax, spinning it once in a pinwheel before lunging right at Snotlout's throat. She stopped the blade a few inches from his skin and growled in a menacing voice, "No. I didn't spend so much time cooking just to have you throw it away! You're _eating_ that!"

With wide blue eyes and quivering lips, Snotlout stared tensely at the weapon's sharp blade, clearly trying to decide if he would die more painfully from Astrid's ax or Astrid's cooking.

"Uhhh… I mean, I _am_. I _am_ eating that!" Snotlout scrambled for Astrid's dinner. He threw both his arms on top of the log, tackled the mysterious meal with all ten of his fingers, and shoved half of the food into his mouth at one. He bit into it, and even as he chewed, cringing in pain with every bite as if he were going through a seizure, he moaned, "It's… delicious. You know, baby, you do the best… ewwww… cooking… gahhh… ever!" He swallowed, cheeks turning distinctively green. With an attempted smile that turned into a wince, Snotlout whispered, half-hoarse, "It's delicious, Astrid."

Astrid huffed. But she pulled the ax away from his throat and thumped the handle to the dirt beneath her.

"It's – it's okay, Astrid," Hiccup stammered, waving the food in front of him. While she had been dealing with Snotlout, he had thrown half of his portion into their campfire. Initially he had tried offering it to Toothless, yet the dragon had scrunched his nose and growled with such vehemence that Hiccup quickly yanked the food away. Might as well feed the Night Fury an eel. "You tried – you worked hard. We appreciate the effort."

"You are amazing, princess, a complete queen at coo-"

"Shut it, Snotlout," Astrid hissed. Disgusted at his flirtations, she marched away from him and sat at the far end of the campfire close to Hiccup and Toothless. "At least _I'm_ actually pulling my own weight around here. You've done nothing except build your stupid s-shaped fort. If you can call that _building._ "

"Yeah." Tuffnut sniggered. "More like burning."

Ruffnut, actually eating Astrid's food, nodded to her brother. "It was awesome."

"Hey, it's not my fault my stupid dragon lit on fire after I dropped my hammer! _I've_ been building, _he's_ been burning."

Hookfang huffed indignantly and marched into the woods.

"You know, Snotlout, Astrid has a point," Hiccup said. "She's done a lot more for the gang than you have since we got to Dragon's End. I'm not saying your building isn't a lot of work. It'd just be nice if we could all work together for the other chores to make things equal."

"What do you mean, Hiccup?" It was Fishlegs who spoke up, finally entering into conversation. He, like Ruffnut, seemed capable of eating Astrid's concoction, although he did seem to look a little bit paler than usual. He leaned against Meatlug's side as though she were the only thing propping him upright.

"What I'm saying is that maybe we should figure out how day-to-day life on Dragon's Edge is going to run."

Tuffnut blabbed, "Run? Ew. I don't like running. How about walking. Or skipping?"

"Aw, shut up, or I'm going to show you _punching_ ," his sister groaned from right beside him. She seemed willing to do it even if he did shut up.

"Okay okay okay anyway," Hiccup interjected quickly before the twins could scuffle. He gestured toward their in-progress settlement behind them, continuing, "We're going to be done with the main construction in, say, a week, and it's about time we figure out who's doing what at Dragon's Edge. Astrid pointed out we don't exactly have a system for who's cooking or who's on night watch, and I think it's a good idea if we get that all figured out. You know, organize something."

"Organize? Organizing is overrated." Tuffnut yet again opened his mouth.

"This just sounds like a good way to put you in charge," Snotlout accused.

Astrid, not wishing to tolerate any of Snotlout's griping, piped up, "It's not going to be Hiccup telling everyone what to do, Snotlout. We're thinking we should all put in our fair share."

"Exactly," Hiccup said. "We go through rotations. Everyone has to do some cooking, everyone has to do some cleaning, and everyone has to do night watch in equal proportions. That way, we're all pulling our fair weight and helping out."

"It's simple really." Astrid was elaborating on top of him again. "I'm surprised we didn't think of it sooner."

"Yeah… but are you sure you want everyone doing everything?" Fishlegs asked. He seemed a little leery and pulled himself closer into Meatlug's side. She gave a small grumble of agreement and shifted slightly towards him. "I mean, I don't know about you, but I don't want Snotlout to…"

"Well, anyone have any better ideas?" Hiccup asked with a gesture toward Fishlegs.

"Uh… well…" He tipped his head to one side. "Not really. What you're suggesting _is_ fair."

"Anarchy," Tuffnut voted exuberantly. "No one do anything. Except destroying things. That'd work pretty well for me."

At the same time Ruffnut screamed, "DESTROY!" Hiccup exclaimed, "And rotating shifts it is!" He continued, "Alright, how about tomorrow, we say that Snotlout does some cleaning in the common space, Tuffnut prepares dinner, and Astrid and I do night watch?"

"Why do I get to do the cleaning?"

"Alright, Fishlegs, then. But you're slotted for the day after, Snotlout. So, is everyone in agreement? This'll work?"

"Fine enough for me," Fishlegs said. Astrid and Ruffnut nodded.

"It's settled then." Hiccup gave a nice sigh of relief and settled back against Toothless' back. His eyes scanned along the coastline and the moon above him, thinking about how much Dragon's Edge was already feeling like home.


	2. Tuffnut's Turn

"You know, Hiccup," Astrid stated as the two of them headed to the stables to feed their dragons, "if you really wanted everyone to be on board with the whole 'chore rotation' idea, I'm not sure you should've made Tuffnut our first cook."

Hiccup reached up awkwardly and scratched his hair with his left hand. "Yeah… well… too late now," he fumbled. With a little bit of an apprehensive glance toward the clubhouse above him, he remarked, "Dinner's coming up soon, supposedly, so there's nothing much I could do there now. Except maybe start working on an evacuation plan."

Toothless provided an amused snort from behind Hiccup, flaunting off the fact _he_ knew he was going to be eating a delicious and healthy meal – rather than whatever biohazard Tuffnut had concocted in the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Hiccup grumbled.

And then the world exploded in sonic chaos.

Astrid and Hiccup nearly jumped into one another, and as soon as they recovered from the initial heart attack, raced out at full speed from the stables. The entire world billowed in glowing green gas, so thick that they might as well have charged into the clouds, and as impossible to breathe in as water. Above the noise of their hacking and coughing, a loud and wild squawking chicken banshee screech sang over repeated explosions of Zippleback gas igniting and erupting. And even as Astrid and Hiccup doubled over, holding one hand to block their coughing and another hand up to their ears to block the cacophony, there rang a rather bold and brassy dinner bell.

A Zippleback launched onto the deck of the stables, Ruffnut and Tuffnut riding on its back. Ruffnut rang a bell wildly in her hand while Tuffnut held his beloved howling Chicken overhead. "Dinnertime!" the two twins screamed out excitedly.

Astrid threw Hiccup a memorably nasty glare. She placed her ax back at her hip; Hiccup realized only now she must have pulled it out once she heard the Zippleback gas explosions. "You _had_ to make him first in the dinner rotation," she snarled, and then marched stiffly, irately, toward the clubhouse. Hiccup, with a bemoaned sigh, followed after her and the twins.

The entire gang was grumbling about Tuffnut's excessive "dinner bell" by the time they reached the clubhouse. Everyone at once stopped right before entering the building; likely each and every one of them feared what they would see inside. For all they knew, they could be walking straight into a trap, and the twins would simply scream "LOKIED!" and shut them inside a hall swarming in cockroaches. Snotlout especially was muttering under his breath; Hookfang had startled upon hearing Chicken's squawks… causing him to shoot out a burst of flame and zap his rider in the rear. Now he was grumbling, "I think I'd rather go hungry."

Yet the smell of food wafting out from the interior beckoned them. "Tuffnut, that actually smells… _good_ …" Astrid marveled despite herself.

With a wild gesture toward the door and a big grin on his face, Tuffnut proclaimed, "See for yourself."

Everyone entered as one.

And gaped.

The simple clubhouse had metamorphosed into a grand dining hall, covered in the finest tapestries Tuffnut had ever sewn. The twins had dragged a long, large table, half-reminiscent of a longboat, into the center of the clubhouse, cloaked it in a glorious red and gold tablecloth, and set it near an inviting fire.

Yet even more inviting than the homey fire and the grand tapestries was the food on the table. A ravishing feast waited there before them. Tuffnut, excitedly, danced around and identified every meal in a perfect, proper waiter-esque voice: "I've got some nice salads and several types of cheeses here for an appetizer – check out the Caboc, lovely double cream cheese, it's one of my favorites! And we've got here cock-a-leekie soup, filled with leeks, prunes, and a tofu substitution for the chicken since _no one_ should eat relatives of my good buddy here –" he gave a fond glance over to his feathered friend. Tuffnut continued dancing and pointing. "And right here is some delicious smoked salmon, delicately flavored with squeezes of delicious fresh lemon juice, and some fresh steamed vegetables to go as a side, carrots and broccoli and some tender young sprouts. Freshly baked blueberry scones nicely glazed at the corner here, some hand-picked elderberries just for you Snotlout, frothy chocolate flavored yak milkshakes and some cranberry juice for drinks, and for dessert, I've got some good old apple pie."

No one said a word. They simple stared. Hiccup entered such a daze he did not even notice when Chicken flew up onto his head and began pecking at his hair. Eventually Astrid had to shoo the fowl away.

"Yeah yeah yeah? It looks great! Come on, stop staring there. You look dumber than Ruffnut when you do that. Let's go eat." And Tuffnut threw himself onto one of the chairs and began serving himself.

"Ah – ah – ah – ahhhh… yeah… let's eat," Hiccup stuttered, jaw still working in shock. He slowly lowered himself into his own chair, eyes staring straight ahead of him as though he were subject to one of Gothi's hypnotic trances. Reality had completely left him behind.

Only Ruffnut seemed unperturbed. "A marvelous meal, simply marvelous," she intoned grandly to her brother. She raised a glass up to toast him.

" _I'll_ say," Snotlout declared. He had begun shoving elderberries into his mouth dozens at a time, staining all his teeth and the nascent mustache on his lip. One year old babies eating tomato sauce with their hands would have looked neater than him. "This is amazing!" He reached out, poured himself a hearty milkshake into his mug, and took an enthusiastic if rather sloppy chug.

"You've outdone yourself," Hiccup agreed, perhaps now only as dazed as someone with a horrific concussion. He had enough state of mind to remember to grab a fork, but then he just sort of held it out in front of him, as though forgetting the utensil's purpose.

Snotlout continued scarfing food and fanboying, gesturing over to the master chef. "Y'know, I've never tasted anything like this. Do you have a secret ingredient of something? Like, how'd you get the shake to taste so rich?" He stared deeply into his cup, hoping he could automatically diagnose the ingredients within it.

"Oh, nothing much." Tuffnut shrugged at the same time Snotlout began chugging again. "Just some ground up crickets and chicken splat."

Snotlout's face reddened, his eyes widened and watered, and he gagged immediately. A hand flew up to his face to block his puffed cheeks, but that did not stop him from reeling away, turning away from Tuffnut. He tried to hold on, yet the pressure inside his mouth was too much, and he shot out his drink in a powerful trajectory that would have impressed a Scauldron. Milkshake sprayed Hiccup straight in the face.

The result was the two of them hacking for well over a minute.

Above them all was Tuffnut and Ruffnut's insane cackles. "LOKIED!" they screamed, and fell over backwards in their chairs from laughter.


	3. Fishlegs' Turn

Fishlegs' meal was not so elaborate as Tuffnut's had been the night before, but it appeared hearty nonetheless. It also had the added benefit of not having spiders in the soup or moths in the milkshakes.

Hiccup sat down and began buttering up some warm, crispy, freshly baked bread. "Meatlug helped me with that," Fishlegs informed, beaming. He leaned over to the dragon, hugging her warmly. "Didn't you, girl? You helped me bake the bread!" The dragon's body wiggled as she wagged her tail, and she opened her enormous mouth to lick Fishlegs' entire torso.

"Well, she did a good job," Hiccup answered cheerily.

"She did. She's a wonderful cook." Then Fishlegs put his hand up to his mouth, blocking his face from Meatlug's. Confidingly he whispered, "Except she burnt the cookies, but don't tell her about that. She's very sensitive when she burns her cooking. Can everyone pretend they taste good so that her feelings aren't hurt?"

Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Whatever, whatever. So long as you didn't put grasshopper legs in the cookies–" his glare toward Tuffnut was _deadly_ "– then I'm good to go." With one hand he reached out and grabbed some meat from the center plate.

Tuffnut _screamed_.

It was the bloodcurdling wail of the dying, the scream of nightmares, which erupted from Tuffnut's lips. He crashed down to the floor, falling face-first into the wood paneling, and continued screaming. His shrieks were only half-muffled by the floor. Everyone in the room stared, unmoving, eyes widened, as Tuffnut howled, "How COULD you how COULD you how COULD you oh dear Thor the HORROR!" He began throwing his fists onto the floor in a tantrum.

"What…?" Fishlegs squeaked, utterly baffled. "What did I…?"

"He's lost it." Snotlout dismissed the Thorston twin's screaming and continued eating his meat. "I always knew he would. Does this mean we can get rid of him now?"

"No," Hiccup said, at the same time Ruffnut crowed, "Yes."

"Okay then, what's wrong with him?" Fishlegs begged. He tried to contact Tuffnut, waving his hands before the young man's eyes, yet Tuffnut was at this point falling into hysterical bawling and could not be contacted in the realm of reality. "Moooooooooooonnnnnnsstttttteeeeeeeeeeerrrrr!" he wailed.

"Let me try something." Astrid clamped her jaw shut resolutely and marched up to Tuffnut. Then she grabbed him and shook him with all her force. Dreadlocks flew everywhere. After being jostled around a bit, Tuffnut appeared slightly – though not much – more coherent.

" _What's going on?!"_ Astrid demanded.

And Tuffnut declared, "Fishlegs is a monster. Horrible, despicable. How could you DO something so heartless?

"YOU. COOKED. CHICKEN!"

Everyone stared at once at the main meal on the table. Fishlegs had, in fact, roasted chicken.

"Inhumane devil!" Tuffnut decried, pointing at Fishlegs with hysteric accusation. "You're going to chicken Hel for this!"

"Okay, but it's not _your_ Chicken…" Astrid tried to reason.

"THE GHOSTS OF CHICKENS PAST WILL HAUNT YOU."

"Tuffnut, _your_ Chicken is fine!"

"GHOST. CHICKENS. IN. THE. SKY. THEY WILL RAIN ROTTEN EGGS ON YOUR HEAD FROM THIS DAY FORTH!"

Fishlegs, suddenly uncertain, and looking rather pale and frightful, peeped, "I'm… sorry?"

"I don't forgive you." Tuffnut pulled himself up off the floor, brushed himself off, and glared at Fishlegs with utter, uninhibited disgust. "Nor will the chicken ghosts. This isn't right. Just because you didn't cook _Chicken_ doesn't mean it's okay cooking chicken. I mean it's like saying wearing one pair of pants is okay but another isn't. You don't _do_ that!"

He scooped up his chicken, who was wandering aimlessly around the floor. And with utter drama, stepping out the club house door, Tuffnut intoned, "Chicken and I… are eating elsewhere."


	4. Snotlout's Turn

Everyone knew it was Snotlout's turn to cook when the clubhouse caught fire.

And if that were not enough of a hint, the high-pitched, petrified screams sealed the deal. "HOOOOOOOOKKKKKFAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNG!"

Smoke roiled in the air, huge mushroom clouds bursting into the skies with more intensity than an explosion could ever muster. Snotlout could have sent smoke signals across the entire Barbaric Archipelago with these clouds. As it was, all he did was run around, screaming, hands on head, while his abashed dragon followed right behind him.

"PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!"

Hookfang released an enormous puff of air, hoping to blow out a rapidly-growing tongue of flame dancing on the rooftop. He only succeeded in blowing the fire to a new location, where it continued to spread and grow.

There was looking to be more fire than clubhouse now.

"I knew we shouldn't have let him cook!" Astrid screamed, sprinting toward the clubhouse with a water bucket in hand. "I knew this would happen!"

"THIS WASN'T MY FAULT!" Snotlout wailed. "HOOKFANG, COME OVER HERE AND HELP! YOU DID THIS! NOW PUT AN END TO IT!"

The dragon blew on more flame, multiplying tongues of fire on the side of the clubhouse.

"Get AWAY, Hookfang!" Snotlout corrected frantically. He shoved the dragon's snout away. And even though Hookfang did rumble off himself, Snotlout was in enough of a frenzy he could have pushed several tons of dragon away on his own. Astrid came running up to splash water on that portion of the house a moment later.

Hiccup, with a shrill whistle, signaled Toothless. The Night Fury launched himself toward the Viking, and in half a second, both of them were flying in the air. As Hiccup rushed over Dragon's Edge and took in the damage, he shouted out to Ruffnut and Tuffnut, "Ruff! Tuff! Get over here to put out the fire!"

"Noooo thank you," said Ruffnut, leaning back and settling herself comfortably in a chair. Tuffnut lay on the ground at her feet and did not stir a muscle, either. Both of them, facing the fires, exuberantly watched the clubhouse burn up and cheered on every failed attempt to douse the flames.

"Yeah! That's it!" rooted Ruffnut. She whooped, overjoyed, at the drama. "That's _it_! Catch Astrid's roof on fire, too!"

"NO! NOT MY ROOF!" Astrid hollered. "SNOTLOUT, IF YOU DON'T GET ME A BLANKET TO DOUSE THE FLAMES IN TEN SECONDS, I'M THROWING _YOU_ ON TOP OF THE FIRE!"

The twins hooted in excitement. "Burn him burn him burn him burn him!"

Meatlug hovered past, mouth clamped shut as she shuttled water to the center of camp. Fishlegs, flying over, squeaked, "Okay, but we _really_ need your help, you guys!"

"Ask help from the ghost chickens you've murdered!" Tuffnut screamed. Neither twins moved from their vantage point of the scene.

Snotlout squealed, "How about you put that vendetta aside? We're _all_ going to be ghosts!" He was running around, his pants – as custom – on fire. But with everything else on fire, too, he didn't seem to notice. Fishlegs was running right behind him, trying to chase Snotlout down so he could douse the young man's rump. And Meatlug was running right behind _him_ , water sloshing out of her mouth and splashing uselessly everywhere _except_ on top of the flames.

"This… is going completely nowhere," Hiccup mumbled frustratedly from his viewpoint in the sky. He spotted Astrid, one of the few human beings actually doing something _productive_. "Astrid!" he called out. "Get on Stormfly and follow me!"

The Deadly Nadder dipped in a moment later, and soon Hiccup and Astrid were flying off together. "We need to get this straightened out now," Hiccup said. "You'd think with all the fires we've had on Berk, we'd be a little bit better dousing this one."

"Okay, but are you _actually_ surprised?"

"Alright, no," Hiccup admitted. He directed his attention to Fishlegs' hot tub, pointing to the water below. "We've got some large tarps near the stables. We can have the dragons grab each end and use it to carry all the water from Fishlegs' pool to the clubhouse."

"On it!" The two swept in, dragons grabbing the cloth, and then turned around to reach Fishlegs' hut. In the background, they could hear Snotlout wailing, "Why don't dragons waterbreathe?" while Ruffnut and Tuffnut were chanting, "Spread! the! fire! Spread! the! fire!"

Toothless and Stormfly dumped the water on top of the clubhouse only just in time. All at once, the water splashed over the charcoaled roof and drenched out every tongue of flame from the doorway to the cooking stove. They even dumped Fishlegs and Snotlout with water; the latter, moaning happily at losing the flames on his butt, moaned, "Sweet relief," and then slumped face-first onto the walkway. Only Ruffnut and Tuffnut appeared disappointed at this success. "I guess we'll have to arson the fort tonight to finish the job," one Thorston said to another.

"No one is going to do arson," Hiccup demanded. He strode onto the walkway near the charred ruins of the clubhouse and gazed at his group of friends. Everyone's faces and hands were blackened from smoke. "And we're going to try our best _not_ to repeat this incident."

"Yeah, I think _someone_ deserves exile after this," said Tuffnut.

Astrid smiled. "I rather like this idea…"

Snotlout's blue eyes widened at once. "It was an accident," he insisted, gesturing frantically toward the half-collapsed sort-of-clubhouse. "And it was all Hookfang's fault anyway."

"Whoa, whoa, I believe you," Hiccup responded. "And no one's exiling anyone. We get it. Accidents happen. Just… watch Hookfang closely next time?"

"Right. Guess we'll go hungry though." Snotlout appeared rather deflated and disappointed. But then he paused, sniffed the air, and after one sudden whoop quickly rushed into the clubhouse. No one could stop him. Thankfully, he charged out safely just a moment later… busing several steaks on a cracked plate.

"Wait… really?" Astrid asked, realizing what was happening.

"They didn't even get burnt!" Snotlout exclaimed. "Oh yeah. That's right. Who can burn down an entire house but still get his dinner cooked right?"

"I'm not sure that's a bragging right…" Fishlegs pointed out. However, his eyes did light up slightly at sight of the cooked meat.

And so the group found themselves eating on logs near the ground that night, seated around a campfire, and enjoying Snotlout's cooking. Hiccup, taking a bite into the meal, remarked pleasantly, "Hey! This actually isn't half bad!"

…to which Snotlout snapped back, "Of course it isn't! You never give me enough credit!"

But then a sudden crash made everyone jump. With their hearts pounding, all the youths turned around. Something had fallen from the crisped remains of the clubhouse… reminding them _precisely_ why they didn't tend to give the young Jorgenson too much credit. Everyone groaned, rolled their eyes, and turned away from Snotlout at once.


	5. Hiccup's Turn

"So," said Astrid, peeping in to see what Hiccup was cooking. She could not _quite_ tell what he was planning, but it involved a rather peculiar combination of fruits, vegetables, meats, and potentially but not ascertainably edible items she couldn't name. He _wasn't_ mixing together coconut with mutton and those fruits they found on the Dragon's Edge beach… was he? "Sorry for being skeptical, but I've heard rumors about Haddock family cooking."

Hiccup glanced up from his preparations briefly, nodding to Astrid as she entered his room and neared the fire where he was working. Hiccup had opted to work here since the club house was still under construction from Snotlout's cooking incident. "Well…" he hesitated. "What sort of rumors did you hear?" From the way he cringed, he knew exactly what she meant. Either that, or Toothless, lingering nearby, had stepped on his toe. Nothing else could make someone wince that badly.

"Something about how neither of your parents ever cooked anything edible."

"That's not _true_." Hiccup had never heard much about his mother, but from the way he grimaced, he must have heard something about _this_.

"Gobber used to tell me they'd use your mother's ham recipe to scare away attacking dragons."

"Dragons love ham, right Toothless?"

The dragon gurgled eagerly.

"Not _that_ ham, apparently," Astrid snorted. "And didn't some other Vikings launch Haddock cooked chicken thighs in the catapults? It was that rock-hard that it actually damaged the hull of Outcast ships?"

"What can I say? I come from a family of legendary warriors. Even the cooking killed." Hiccup turned over the meat – prepared in some way Astrid had _never_ seen prepared before – and responded to Astrid with a winning smile, "but you know I've never been much like my dad. Or any of my family, as much as I know."

"So… this means you aren't using one of your family's famous recipes?" Astrid still seemed rather dubious. She would probably rather fight an armada of Outcast ships rather than touch whatever random thing Hiccup was making.

He responded lightly, "No. Trying something wholly new."

Astrid watched him for a minute in silence. Toothless did also, big green eyes seeming rather perplexed at what was occurring. In addition to the coconut, island fruits, and mutton, he was beginning to sprinkle in salt and pickles.

"So you're inventing. Like you always do." She seemed to have mixed feelings on this, her face toggling between hope and worry. It edged closer to worry when he added in cabbage, carrots, and several spoons of sugar. "You know, that doesn't always inspire confidence."

"I don't know what you're talking about, milady. Need I remind you of my shield, Toothless' saddle and tail, the…"

"It's not that you don't invent good things," Astrid said. "It's just that it rarely works on the first try. Sweet baby Thor in a thunderstorm! What is that smell?" It might have been the mushrooms and onions he was burning alongside… whatever the rest of that mess was.

"Dinner."

Astrid was already gagging her way out of the room. "Why can't anyone in this tribe cook?" she moaned as she rushed away from the smell, which truly had become a toxic gas.

Hiccup looked up to his dragon to ask a pressing question. "Do I take it as a bad sign that someone who can't cook is worried about my cooking, or…" Hiccup stared a little worrisomely at his dish, but continued preparations nonetheless. Toothless, puffing out a torrent of air, pulled himself outside the room, too.

* * *

"Eugh! What's that? Cement?" Tuffnut's lips curled up in disgust.

"Is it flammable?" Ruffnut asked hopefully, and picked it up to throw and check.

Everyone at once jumped up screaming. "NO NO NO NO NO REMEMBER LAST NIGHT!" Snotlout was the one screaming the most of all, voice rising to even a higher pitched squeaking than Fishlegs' was. "NO MORE FIRES! MY STUPID DRAGON DID ENOUGH DAMAGE AS IT IS!"

Two tendrils of smoke puffed from an aggravated dragon's nostrils, and Hookfang stomped away, displeased. To add insult to injury, he swung his tail around so it smacked Snotlout right in the face as he left. Snotlout fell over at the impact.

"Dare I say it," said Fishlegs, "but I think I actually miss Snotlout's cooking." Hurriedly, he amended, "No offense, Hiccup. You're a dragon rider, not a, uh, cook."

Ruffnut spat out her portion of the food. When it hit the campfire but didn't explode, she sighed in dismay, but then proceeded to chuck the rest of the food in the fire. "One moment," she grumbled. "I guess I'll get my own dinner."

"It'd be fine if I just tweaked the recipe…" Hiccup's eyes were already deep in thought, mulling over what he could do to save the recipe, while Astrid was shouting in his ear an adamant, "NO."

"Who votes in favor of Hiccup never cooking again?" Snotlout shouted, usurping power.

Everyone raised their hand at once… even Astrid. Hiccup sighed, but then, trying to take it as pleasantly as possible, said, "Guess I'll just do more dragon work around Dragon's Edge."

"GOOD." That, again, was shouted by everyone.

But Snotlout wasn't done. "Who votes we stop this stupid cooking rotation system?"

Again, everyone raised their hands.

"FREEDOM FROM PAIN!" screamed Snotlout in excitement. He began dancing right on the spot, and in the process almost stepped into the campfire and lit himself aflame. "It doesn't even matter Ruffnut didn't vote. We've got a MAJORITY!"

"Wow, Snotlout can count," said Tuffnut in awe.

"Better than you," Snotlout growled in return, but he quit his dance and sat down.

Abruptly Fishlegs said, "I've never seen Ruffnut cook. This'll be interesting." He was hurrying to change the subject to something less confrontational.

Snotlout said, "Can't be worse than _dragon boy's_." Snotlout seemed rather proud people preferred his own cooking over Hiccup's – even if the latter had been a bit less… destructive… in the process of making dinner.

"Dragon boy did better than chicken murderer." Tuffnut gave his own murderous glare to Fishlegs.

At that moment Ruffnut shuffled back. She had a great load of _something_ in her arms. "There," she said in an exhausted voice as though she had just exerted great effort. Admittedly for Ruffnut, it _was_ great effort. People realized at once she was carting apples. She tossed out one to each person. Biting into the fruit, she declared, "There's _my_ cooking."

And though Hiccup had gone to great efforts, and all Ruffnut did was toss people fruit, it was Ruffnut's work everyone preferred.

Hiccup himself included.

Maybe it really was best that this rotation system end. Either way, they were finally saved from the horrors of each other's cooking.


End file.
